11 Red Flags That Occur on the First Date
First dates bring up conflicting feelings for many people. There may be nervousness, excitement, or even a sense of dread.
These are some initial red flags that can help eliminate potential partners who are not right for you on a first date:
1. They don’t respect your boundaries.
Ignoring small rejections. If you don’t listen to “no” (no matter how soft your delivery) when you’re out in public, have all your clothes on, and don’t have an erection, you definitely won’t listen to “no” if/when any of those circumstances change.
2. They are rude to others.
They complaining that the service is bad, saying they don’t want to pay a tip, or patronizing the bartender or waitstaff. You’re getting a front row view of how this person treats others, and if it’s not with kindness, then you’re likely to be on the receiving end of that behavior soon.
3. They refer to one or more of their ex-partners as “crazy.”
Discussing ex-partners is not usually a big first date topic in general, but if it comes up and your date calls their ex-partner “crazy” or discusses their ex-partner in a derogatory way, it shows that they are unlikely to take responsibility for their actions and that they would not do so with you either.
4. There is a theme where they talk badly about others.
During your initial conversations, are they putting others behind your back? Is there something wrong with everyone in their life? If your date has a problem with almost everyone in their life, they are the common denominator and that should give you pause because pretty soon, you will be in that category as well.
5. They don’t handle differences of opinion well.
I would always look closely at how someone handled differences of opinion on things like movies, music, books, etc. If this is how he acted with a difference of opinion about something that really doesn’t matter, then I can’t imagine how he would have been if we had disagreed about something more important.
6. They frequently check their phone or take calls during your date.
Unless it is an urgent situation, if your date is distracted and you frequently check their phone or take calls during your date, it shows that they are not taking your feelings into consideration and will have a hard time being fully present with you if you decide to proceed.
7. They ignore your comfort and concern for your safety.
If they insist on picking you up, taking an evening walk in an isolated area, or meeting in an area that would require you to take public transportation at night and you tell them you would rather try another option because you will feel safer and they respond defensively or indicate that you are overreacting, this is a red flag that they will not take your needs or comfort into consideration when moving forward.
8. They are always talking about themselves.
Is your date talking to you or to you? There is a difference. When someone is talking to you, they are talking about themselves and not asking you questions and not allowing you to talk about yourself in more detail. It doesn’t seem to matter whether you were there or not, because the conversation is not interactive. It’s hard to build an emotional connection or feel close to someone when you’re not seen or heard.
9. They are trying to speed up the pace of getting to know you too quickly.
Are they talking about the future and all the things you two will do together, events you will go to, and places you will visit? It may sound nice and exciting at first, but they don’t really know you, and making all these plans for the future can give you a false sense of security that will increase the likelihood that you will be more likely to ignore other red flags.
10. They bring up the topic of $ex.
The topic will come up eventually, but if it comes up this early, it’s usually not a great sign. It’s not so much that the topic of sex here is the issue. It’s more that the person chose to bring it up on the date without knowing their comfort level. Someone who cares about getting to know you and is taking your comfort into consideration is unlikely to discuss this topic on the first date.
Source:psychologytoday.com, elitedaily.com, knowledgedoctalk.com
