Dear men, here are 4 things you should stop saying to your wife right now.
1. “I told you so.”
This is commonly highlighted as one of the things not to say to a wife but yet most of men continue to anyway.
The problem is this creates a “you versus me” instead of “you and me” mentality. It pits your wife and you against each other rather than acknowledging you’re working together toward a shared goal. If you need a competition, compete to see who most often can point out the other person’s successes. If that’s the game you’re playing, no matter who wins, you both do.
2. It’s not my fault.
It does little good to make sure your wife knows who is in the wrong but a whole lot of good to look for solutions that serve everyone. Rather than playing the game of fault-finding, recognize you’re on the same team! Always start with where you can improve instead of pointing to your wife’s faults.
3. I don’t have time.
You should never say this to your wife because it’s never true. You may feel like you don’t have time, but the reality is, we all have the same amount of time. We just prioritize tasks differently. So in truth, what you are saying is that “it’s not a priority for me.”
When you say this, you are putting the blame on something other than yourself and make it so you don’t have to take ownership. The reality is that only you have control over your schedule. And you have a finite number of moments. You must prioritize, but you also have all the time you need.
4. You are _____.
During your arguement with your wife, it’s easy to point out what she’s doing, how she’s acting, and your perceptions of her motivations. However, none of that is particularly helpful if you don’t first begin with “I am…” You don’t know for sure why your wife is doing what she’s doing. Nor do you know what she was feeling. However, you do know what you are feeling, thinking, and wanting.
Using “I am” statements instead of “you are” statements feels vulnerable. It’s putting yourself out there in a way that your wife can embrace or attack. But if you want a genuine relationship, there must be vulnerability. Lead with “I am” statements and let her tell you what she’s thinking.
