A father and son tell a narrative of love, difficulty, and redemption, complete with challenging decisions and unforeseen results. Through emotional ups and downs and a desire for forgiveness, both confront the sorrow of the past while attempting to discover their own route to reconciliation.
«I (45-year-old male) met my ex-wife when we were youngsters. We married at 21 and had a son at 22. After our son was born, we gradually drifted apart.
When our son was around 11 or 12, I decided to end our marriage. I’m not sure why, but my wife was really astonished. By that point, we hadn’t been intimate in nearly four years and hadn’t had any deep conversations. It was recently finished.»
«It took me about a week to move out, and my ex kept crying and begging me to remain. But I remained firm. My son was unhappy with me and refused to talk to me. I understand why. He believed I was injuring his mother.
When I finally moved out, he refused to see me.
I tried hard and visited him on a daily basis, but he always said he despised me and ran to his room. He was devastated. The divorce was finalized within a year. Custody was 50/50. We took our child to treatment, but it didn’t help. He disliked me totally.
I never wanted to compel him to come to my home. I could have, but I didn’t want him to resent me any more. I still wanted to be there for him, so I would attend to his games and send him birthday and Christmas gifts, but he would ignore me entirely. The final thing he said was that he no longer wanted me to attend any of his events. I visited my ex’s place a few times, but he always said he didn’t want to see me.»
«At this moment, I was totally cut off. I found myself on a long, dark journey of melancholy and grief.
It seemed as if my son had perished. The low time of my life. But one day I awoke, and it was all over. I recovered and have moved on since. I met my wife, and we now have two wonderful children. Life was great again.
Until about a year ago, when I got an email from my son. He apologized for everything and explained that he had just had a son. That prompted him to reflect, and he realized how cruel he had been to his own father. He wanted to reconnect and be a part of my life again. There was much more in the email, but I don’t want to disclose it because of privacy concerns.
I felt nothing when I read this email. I did not respond. Since then, he has sent approximately 15 emails detailing what is going on in his life and with his son. I never responded, but I thought I at least owe him some closure. I still haven’t sent it.»
It goes like this:
«Dear son, I would appreciate it if you would stop sending me emails. I went through hell and back to be at this point in my life. I have a family again, and I am very happy right now. I understand that you have regrets and some guilt about the past, but I don’t resent you and I forgive you.
Bringing you back into my life would introduce complications that I am not willing to face for my own and my family’s sake. I simply cannot give you what you seek. I want no further contact. I hope you understand, and I wish you all the best in your life.
Goodbye.»
«I haven’t sent it yet, but I finally told my wife what’s going on. She read all of the emails and my draft and was appalled. She asked me not to mail it and to open myself to him. We argued, and she indicated that I should go back to treatment.
She even told my parents, which made my mother quite angry. She began scolding me as if I were a child again. I’m not sure why she doesn’t comprehend. She was with me the entire time and saw all I went through. Finally, she warned me that if I did this to him, she would do the same to me. «I was speechless.»
