Reaching 70 doesn’t mean becoming invisible, incapable, or dependent by default. However, for many people, this stage brings a silent and painful change: they are no longer consulted, and they begin to be corrected, monitored, or have decisions made for them by others “with good intentions.” What was once respect for experience gradually transforms into control disguised as care.

Many older adults begin to notice something unsettling: they are spoken to in diminutives, decisions are made for them without asking, their judgment is doubted, and everything is justified with phrases like “it’s for your own good” or “at your age you shouldn’t be doing that anymore.” This treatment, although it may seem harmless or loving, has a name and profound consequences.

Infantilization: A Silent and Normalized V:iolence

To infantilize an older person is to treat them as if they have lost their capacity to think, decide, and understand. It doesn’t always happen with malicious intent. Often, it stems from fear, misguided love, or a culture that associates old age with uselessness.

The problem is that when others constantly make decisions for you, you don’t just lose autonomy: you begin to lose your identity. You stop feeling in control of your life, and over time, you even begin to doubt your own abilities. This process is slow, but devastating.

Psychology calls it learned helplessness: when a person, after many experiences where they are not allowed to make decisions, stops trying even when they still can.

The High Cost of Losing Your Voice

The loss of autonomy doesn’t just affect you emotionally. Studies show that older adults who maintain their ability to make decisions live longer and with a better quality of life. The brain needs to choose, solve problems, make mistakes, and participate. When it stops doing so, it deteriorates more quickly.

Furthermore, when a person is no longer heard, something even more dangerous emerges: the loss of a sense of purpose. They wake up each day feeling that they are no longer needed. And when the brain believes it is no longer needed, it begins to shut down.

This creates a vicious cycle:

You lose your voice → you become passive → others believe you can’t → they decide for you → you lose even more of your voice.

Controlling love isn’t complete love.

One of the most difficult aspects is that this suppression often comes from people close to you: children, partners, family. They think they’re caring, but they confuse protection with control. And you, to avoid conflict or for fear of being alone, begin to give in.

First it’s clothes, then food, then money, outings, important decisions. Until one day you realize you no longer know who you are or what you want.

Accepting help isn’t the problem. The problem is accepting help that strips you of your dignity.

The internal enemy: internalized ageism

After years of hearing phrases like “you’re too old for that,” many people end up believing it. That inner voice that says “I can’t anymore” or “it’s not worth it anymore” wasn’t born with you: it was learned.

This is called internalized ageism, and it’s one of the biggest obstacles to regaining autonomy. As long as you believe you can no longer do something, you’ll act as if it’s true, reinforcing the prejudice.

The good news is that this cycle can be broken with awareness, action, and new mental habits.

Practical Tips and Recommendations

Defend your right to decide: Thanking someone for their concern doesn’t mean giving up your autonomy. You can calmly and firmly say, “I appreciate your help, but this decision is mine to make.”

Ask questions when others decide for you: A simple phrase like “Why do you assume I can’t decide this?” gives you back control and forces the other person to reflect.

Set clear boundaries: Make it explicit which areas of your life are negotiable and which are not. Your money, your body, and your personal decisions must remain yours.

Accept help that empowers, not help that negates: Healthy help includes you and asks your opinion; harmful help replaces you.

Be mindful of your inner dialogue: When the phrase “I can’t do this anymore” arises, question it. Ask yourself if it’s a real fact or a learned prejudice.

Take action, even if it’s small: every decision you make for yourself strengthens your confidence and weakens your fear.

Surround yourself with positive influences: seek out stories, people, and places where old age is synonymous with experience, not discarding.

Always remember this: those who truly love you will respect your boundaries. Those who don’t respect them don’t care, they control.

After 70, the most valuable thing you must protect is not only your health, but also your autonomy, your voice, and your dignity. Allowing others to decide for you may seem comfortable at first, but it ends up slowly extinguishing your identity. Your life is still yours. Your experience matters. And your right to decide doesn’t expire. Defending it isn’t selfishness: it’s self-love.