Do I Have to Forgive My Dad for Leaving?
My dad left our family when I was 8 years old. A week after my birthday, actually, I was man of the house.
My mom was already bringing home all the cash, since my dad never worked. Money-wise, our family’s situation didn’t change. But when my dad left, there was no more babysitter. I had to step up and be the parent for my own brothers, microwaving their dinners, teaching them to tie their shoes, and so on. This was back when kids could still play outside without the neighbors calling child services.
At the time, I figured my dad had rejected us. I got a whole inferiority complex about it in my teens. I looked for role models in all the wrong places. Therapy helped me get my act together, but it didn’t make the hurt go away.
Later, my mom told me my dad was an alcoholic. He didn’t abandon us for another family. He was just getting drunk in a bar somewhere. Instead of hating myself, I started hating him. I mean, it was bad enough to choose another kid over me, but to leave me for booze? It didn’t make sense.
I’ve worked hard to move on. I have my own children now, and I raise them as best I can. But a month ago, guess what happened? The prodigal father returned. He said he’s gotten sober and he wants to be a father again. He wants to meet his grandchildren.
My little brothers forgave him instantly. They were toddlers when he left, so his absence didn’t hurt them as much. They pity my dad for having an addiction. Now they’re pressuring me to invite him to my daughter’s baptism.
I told my brothers that I refuse to let that man back into my life. If they want to spend time with him, that is their business. But I spent my whole life learning to get along without my dad. I see no reason to restart a relationship that only brought me pain.
Do I have to forgive my dad? I feel like I’m chained to this person who almost ruined my life. Am I a bad person if I want to leave my deadbeat dad in the past?
—The Abandoned Son
Source: goodtherapy
