If You Find Your Ch.e.a.t.i.ng Partner, Do It Immediately
Upon discovery of an a.f.f.a.i.r
The initial discovery of an a.f.f.a.i.r usually triggers strong emotions for both partners, such as anger, betrayal, shame, depression, guilt, or remorse. It is usually difficult at this time to think clearly enough to make long-term decisions. Consider the following:
1. Take a deep breath and allow yourself to cry or scream
If you need to scream, then scream – into a pillow rather than at your partner. If you need to cry, then let yourself go for that ugly scream.
2. Don’t make rash decisions.
If you think you might physically hurt yourself or someone else, seek professional help immediately.
3. Understand that it is not your fault
It was your decision to cheat when they did, and you cannot take it out on yourself. No matter what the situation was, your partner had a commitment to you, and you cannot feel responsible for that.
4. Give each other space.
The discovery of an a.f.f.a.i.r is always intense. You may find yourself acting erratically or contrary to yourself as you try to understand what happened. Try to avoid emotionally intense discussions as you begin the healing process.
5. Reach out to trusted friends
Reach out to a friend who you know can be supportive and free of judgment. It may help to share your experience and feelings with trusted friends or loved ones who can support, encourage and walk with you on your healing path.
6. Reassess the relationship
You should take a step back and decide if your partner ch.e.a.t.i.n.g is something that is forgivable. If it is something you can forgive them for, then you will need to have a conversation about how to best move forward. If not, then you will need to move on as best you can.
7. Evaluate your options
It can be difficult to make a final decision, but start laying the foundation for the direction this relationship is headed. “Whether you stay together or decide to move on, at this stage you need to focus on your coping skills.
Consider these steps to promote healing:
Accept what has happened
In many cases, people are in denial about their significant other’s betrayals. Putting the problem aside won’t change what happened, so confronting the problem with your partner head on is the best way to resolve it.
Take some time.
Before you choose to continue or end your marriage, take the time to heal and understand what was behind the a.f.f.ai.r. This is not a decision to make at the height of your emotional struggles.
Don’t forget to take care of yourself
Sometimes these emotions can be overwhelming, and people may find themselves not eating or eating in heaps of unhealthy foods. When you are going through something so emotional, it is imperative to try to take care of yourself physically, because this will only help you to be able to process all the emotions.
Seeking professional
help with a counselor who specializes in marital therapy can be invaluable. Learn the lessons that can prevent future problems.
Be responsible.
If you have been unfaithful, take responsibility for your actions. It is imperative, no matter how difficult, to end the a.f.f.a.i.r and stop all interaction or communication with the person. If the a.f.f.a.i.r involved a co-worker, limit contact strictly to business or get another job.
Get help from different sources.
Seek help from understanding, non-judgmental friends, experienced spiritual leaders, or a trained counselor. All self-help books are not equally helpful. Seek advice on additional reading from a professional.
Consult a marriage counselor.
Seek the help of a licensed therapist who has specific training in marital therapy and experience in dealing with infidelity.
Don’t try to get back at your partner or act vindictively.
You are really hurting right now, and you want your partner to suffer the same, but don’t spread the pain. You don’t want to do anything that you can’t reverse, and at the end of the day, you won’t feel any better “getting back” at them.
Restore trust
Make a plan that will restore trust and result in reconciliation. Agree on a timetable and a process. If you have been unfaithful, admit guilt and pursue authentic forgiveness. If your partner has been unfaithful, when able, offer forgiveness. Together, seek understanding.
Nothing will make the process painless, but hopefully, by following this expert advice, you can heal completely and in a healthy way for you and your partner.
Source:sheknows.com, trendinginkenya.com
