John and David were both patients in a Mental Hospital.
One day, while they were walking, they passed the hospital swimming pool and John suddenly dove into the deep end. He sank to the bottom and stayed there.
David promptly jumped in and saved him, swimming to the bottom of the pool and pulling John out.
The medical director came to know of David’s heroic act. He immediately ordered that David be discharged from the hospital as he now considered him to be OK. The doctor said, “David, we have good news and bad news for you! The good news is that we are going to discharge you because you have regained your sanity. Since you were able to jump in and save another patient, you must be mentally stable. The bad news is that the patient that you saved h*ng himself in the bathroom and d*ed after all.”
David replied, “Doctor, John didn’t h*ng himself. I h*ng him there to dry.”
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A man came home from an exhausting day at work, plopped down on the couch in front of the television, and told his wife: “Get me a beer before it starts!”
The wife sighed and got him a beer.
Ten minutes later, he said: “Get me another beer before it starts!”
She looked cross, but fetched another beer and slammed it down next to him.
He finished that beer and a few minutes later said: “Quick, get me another beer, it’s going to start any minute!”
The wife was furious. “Is that all you’re going to do tonight! Drink beer and sit in front of that TV! You’re nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob and furthermore…”
The man sighed and said: “It’s started.”
