Round 1: The Gentle Cycle
A man walking along a rushing riverbank stopped in his tracks when he spotted a blonde woman swimming furiously in the rapids while frantically scrubbing her blouse.
Confused, he called out from the bank, “Excuse me! What on earth are you doing in there?”
“I’m washing my clothes!” she shouted back, struggling against the current.
The man yelled, “Why don’t you just use a standard washing machine like everyone else?”
The blonde shook her head wildly and cried, “I tried that once, but it made me way too dizzy!”
Round 2: The Identical Equines
Owning livestock requires a sharp eye, which was exactly the problem a blonde faced after buying two beautiful new horses. She absolutely could not tell them apart. In a panic, she begged her neighbor, a seasoned farmer, for advice.
“Just cut the tail off one of them,” the farmer said, sighing.
She did. But the very next day, the other horse got its tail caught in a thick bramble bush and it ripped completely off. Once again, she was totally lost.
She went back to the farmer, who groaned, “Fine. Cut a notch in the left ear of one horse.”
She notched the ear. Of course, twenty-four hours later, the other horse tangled with a barbed-wire fence and tore its left ear to shreds. Back to square one.
Frustrated, the farmer finally snapped, “Just go out there with a tape measure and check their heights!”
A few minutes later, the blonde sprinted back to his porch, her face beaming with pure triumph. “It worked! The white horse is two inches taller than the black horse!”
Round 3: The All-Inclusive Cruise
If a vacation package looks too good to be true, it probably involves a heavy-duty rubber inner tube.
A blonde was walking past a travel agency when a bright neon sign caught her eye: “CRUISE SPECIAL – ONLY $99!”
Ecstatic, she marched inside, slapped her money on the counter, and demanded the special. Without a word, the travel agent grabbed her, dragged her into the back room, strapped her tightly to a massive tractor inner tube, and rolled her out the back door and straight down a hill into the river.
Ten minutes later, a second blonde saw the exact same sign. She too paid her $99, promptly got strapped to an identical inner tube, and was launched into the rapids.
Eventually, the swift current brought the two women floating side-by-side down the river. After a long, peaceful silence, the first blonde turned her head and asked, “Excuse me, do you know if they serve refreshments on this cruise?”
The second blonde sighed and replied, “They didn’t last year.”
